A Discourse on Legal Education

As I sit here mere weeks from graduation, a review of the educational process up to this point is in order. The most accurate description of law school is that it is a besieged city--those on the outside want to get in, and those on the inside want to get out. Here in a nutshell is my legal education.

First year
I have drawn many analogies in addition to the besieged city mentioned above. Law school is a dungeon/battlefield/purgatory/self-deprivation exercise, but there is a more accurate one to describe the first year experience. During the first year of law school, it becomes quite clear that this is more like high school than any sort of pedagogical exercise. I get a schedule which i share with ninety other students. Then I go buy lots of books from the bookstore. Then I put my books in my locker. During lunch, I go to the cafeteria where I stand in line to order my food and then stand in line again to pay for my food. As if that wasn't enough, there's law school prom (aka Barrister's Ball). Law school is like high school without the fun.

During first year of law school, it appears my class was subject to some sort of scientific experiment called "The Socratic Method." The experiment appears to be a hybrid of sleep deprivation and stress testing. The procedure involved is this: give the student a large amount of work. If the student has done the work, he will be operating of 3-4 hours of sleep. If the student has chosen not to do the work, the student will only be able to sleep 3-4 hours as he tosses and turns worrying about whether in tomorrow's game of Russian Roulette he'll be a winner or loser.

During class time, the mad scientist's professor's instrument is the seating chart. The seating chart contains some sort of cryptic formula. Law students have thrown large sums of money to researches at MIT and other similar technical institutions in hopes to crack the algorithm. It is unknown how, but the professor will "snipe" students one by one throughout the class.

The pattern is entirely random. Some days the Russian Roulette gun will go off two, three, or even four times in the same day. Usually the fourth time the student is called on, the only thing coming from the mouth of the student are spit bubbles and a gurgling. Rumor has it that same professors follow a pattern or even place the student's on notice that they will be selected for the experiment the following class. These rumors were investigated and busted on a Mythbusters episode that aired earlier last fall. Rest assured if these professors do exist, they are not teaching at a law school conducting research via the Scientific Method.

Regardless of the methodology, the result is that students crack. During orientation at most schools, the Dean or another professor will say "look to your right, look to your left. Either you or the people sitting next to you will not graduate." My school didn't have to say that. One simply had to look at the size of the first year class and the size of the third year class to get the message.

A few weeks into the semester it happened. We lost our first one. I remember it as if it were yesterday. The cryptic Socratic method wheel had spun leaving her as the prey. The professor moved closer smelling the fear. Her name was called. "Ms. Rodeghero, give us the facts of ." Silence. Eery silence. The room stilled. The professor repeated his order. I looked at the clock. The second died forever on the 4. It was eery silence. "Where is she." There was no upward inflection at the end of the question. It was a statement. A poor, unfortunate soul answered, "She dropped out." The professor's eyes narrowed into slits (we speculate it's so we couldn't see his eyes glow red like burning coal). That was the day the first one left.

This process was then repeated over and over again throughout the semester. I was truly awed by the power of this cruel experiment when I witnessed it firsthand. It was during my first final. It was contracts. I saw the victim rise from his chair. From his body language, I knew something was wrong. He slowly tromped down the stairs to the front of the room. Words were exchanged, and it was over. Without even hearing the words, I could see it in his body language. As he walked the long path back to his seat to pack up his belongings it was gone--the hope that we had. The hope that we all clung to during our first year. The hope that this was all a bad dream, and we would wake up to realize that we were still in college, or that we had chosen a different profession. During that first year, there were many left behind on the Socratic battlefield.

During that first year, law school was like high school because it was a battle. In high school the name of the game was to not get picked on or draw unnecessary attention to yourself. In law school the professor WILL pick on you. Your goal becomes to not get bullied around too much (a la Paper Chase). In high school, you study History, Math, and English. Here's the rundown of the classes I took first year and a brief description about them (note these descriptions inspired by James D. Gordon, III, How Not to Succeed in Law School)

• Civil Procedure-learn about the paper wars of litigation. Note: this is the class that I learned that the phrase "Every time a bell rings, an angel gets it wings" is actually a twist on the age old classic, "Every time a case is filed, another forest is expired."
  
• Torts-the study of a compensation system where the question quickly becomes who foots the bill for the plaintiff being stupid? Is it the plaintiff? (innocent, unknowing first year that I was thought this was the answer) Generally the answer is the business who last touched whatever it was that injured the plaintiff. This class should be renamed "hot potato" because when multiple defendants are sued, they each point the figure and toss the blame to the other ones.
  
• Real Property-the class which is allegedly about land property spends the first six weeks teaching you about animals, water, and the discovery of America. This course also teaches the money lawyers that they could make much more money as a property developer or real estate mogul. Also, with today's technology, should title issues be a thing of the past? Sigh. But I digress.
  
• Contracts-the study of rules based on a model of two-fisted negotiators with equal bargaining power who dicker freely, voluntarily agree on all terms, and reduce their understanding to a writing intended to embody their full agreement. The law student then learns that the last contract fitting this model was in 1879.
  
• Criminal Law-study of common law crimes that haven't been the law anywhere for over one hundred years. Then learn about the Model Penal Code which isn't the law in any of the 50 states.
  
• Criminal Procedure-Learn about the exclusionary rule and the rationale behind it so you can defend the profession at cocktail parties.
  
• Legal Research and Writing-the study of legal citations from a book named after a color. Also write memos on ridiculous scenarios that will never occur in real life (a haunted house?)

That was my first year. I won't even begin to describe the two week trials and tribulations of finals (that happen twice a year).

I spend my summer after my first year in London. It was incredible. It is surprising that it took a 3000 mile change of environment and a terrorist attack for me to get my best grade in law school.

Second Year
Second Year brings about a wonderful change. It feels much less like high school. This is because not all the same students are in all your classes. This is when you discover that there are other students in the class who you have not met yet and quickly learn you were fortunate not to have class with them the previous year. With different people in each class, it became much harder to win in one class period of Bad Word Bingo. I think this is why some classes are lengthened to an hour and a half or even two hours.

How horrible of me! I haven't introduced you properly to Bad Word Bingo. It is not actually called Bad Word Bingo. There's a word you can't on television in the place of "Bad Word" so I'll call it Bad Word Bingo (afterall, Grandma reads my blog). Bad Word Bingo is played like this. You create a five by five grid with people's names in your class. There are certain people in your class who fight for "air time" and thrive on interacting with the professor. This lasts until the end of the semester. Then grades come out, and they stop talking.

Okay, we would always play bingo in contracts. Our version is different than others. We had twenty-five people. Our "center square" was always the same. We had our power diagonals (where we put the people who talked the most) and our sleeper picks (someone who hadn't been called on or talked in a while who we thought would talk that day). Bingo brought me many fond memories. The best memory was when I came from behind to defeat my now roommate who sat next to me. I nervously peered over and saw that he only needed one more person. I still needed two. It was as if God heard my cry for help. The next person that talked was my fourth person! We were tied! But then trouble hit. My roommate's fifth person shot their hand up in answer to a question. I looked to see who I still needed. My hopes were dashed--this person would never volunteer and raise their hand. The professor then turned to the board and begin to jot something down. I was doomed. But all of a sudden, he turned around and sniped my fifth person. My come-from-behind victory in Bingo is still told on Law School tours to this day (some two and a half years after it happened).

So, besides Bad Word Bingo becoming more difficult, second year also allowed you to pick your own classes. Some are still required (I'll note which ones were required). Also, I am enrolled in a certificate program and have to take my electives with alot of those. Classes I took and their appropriate descriptions are below:

• Evidence (Required) - Learn that an out of court statement offered for the truth of the matter asserted is hearsay. Learn that there are 4,542 different exceptions to the hearsay rule. Memorize said exceptions.
  
• Administrative Law - When you deal with the government, you should probably have a lawyer. When you deal with a school, you should probably have a lawyer. When you deal with your employer, you should probably have a lawyer. This class and torts leads me to believe that everyone should only leave their house (or interact with objects) only when their lawyer is present. Lucky for me, I can now be my own lawyer (not that you couldn't do that, I'm just much better trained now).
  
• Trial Practice - This was my favorite law class. Sixteen people total. The best part of this class was when I used my Evidence skills (developed above) to keep out key evidence in a trial (which happened to be my final exam). So, as my final exam grade for this pass/not pass skyrocketed, my opponents at the other side of the counsel table saw their hopes for a P + (Pass +) vanish.
  
• Corporations (Required) - Learn how to abuse creditors, shareholders, employees, consumers, the IRS, the environment for fun and profit. Mosly profit.
  
• Con Law Individual Rights (Required) - learn about how many different ways we've discriminated against people in the past. Learn you have the right to navigate interstate waters.
  
• Federal Income tax (Required) - Learn how to save money on your taxes! And that drug dealers and women of the night need to pay taxes on that hard earned income. Teaches you how to be a tax lawyer. A tax lawyer is someone good with numbers but lacks enough personality to be an accountant.
  
• Cyberspace - Surprise surprise! The law still applies in cyberspace!
• Criminal Pretrial Practice Seminar - Legal Career Day and conducting preliminary hearings. Another pass / not pass class that I rocked.
  

Third Year
Third year is the most fun out of law school. You've learned how the game is played, the Socratic Method experiment is, for the most part, over (because all your classes are with your classmated or second years who still are jittery and shaken up from first year). Classes taken included:

• Remedies (Required) - Learn what choices you have to get back at someone when they've been mean to you. My favorite weapon of choice is the Ex parte TRO (temporary restraining order).
  
• Wills & Trusts (Required) - aka Gifts and Stiffs. Such a depressing class. Do NOT take concurrently with Community Property! Every hypo in this class starts with a death. Every hypo in Community Property starts with a divorce.
  
• Ethics (Required) - Learn about why there are so many lawyer jokes.
  
• Financing for High Tech Startups - Learn how to make money by starting a company and having other people work for you. My plan is to start a company, acquire an ownership interest in return for my legal services and then kick back and watch.
• Community Property - Learn not to get married in California or any other community property state. Also, if you do, sign a prenup. And you have to give it to her prior to the wedding day.
  
• Intellectual Property Survey - learn how to steal other people's thoughts and ideas and exploit them as your own.
• Con Law Fed State - Learn how the federal government raised the drinking age to 21 by holding a carrot in the form of federal highway funding out in front of the states.
• Business Planning - Learn how many clients you add when you take on a firm.

Also you take the MPRE either your second or third year. So let me get this straight, you answer ethics questiosn on a separate test, and then ethics are still tested on the Bar. So what's the point of the MPRE? Yeah, I thought as much. I'd like to think of this as a practice filling in bubbles test for the MBE section of the Bar.

So that's it. I'm tired. There will be more thoughts and musings in the future. I've been in a very contemplative mood these past few days.

DISCLAIMER: In all honesty, law school is not that bad. It's easy to poke fun of and is a good way to address the things I did not like that much about law school. I couldn't have picked a better school to go to. It was an excellent fit for me. And if you asked me if I'd do it again, I'd probably say yes. Just don't ask me until I'm a few months out. =)

Remember to take care of yourselves....and each other.

3 Sporting Events in 5 days

Here's Game 1 - Ducks Wild Playoff Game. Ducks won 2-1.



Here's me happy because I'm at a Ducks Game.
Here's the action from our seats.
Here's the Boston state Capital.
Here's Boston Common (Kevin - "This is basically Boston's version of Central Park in New York")

A street in Beacon Hill (an affluent area).




Kevin and I enjoying a beer at the Cheers pub.

Samuel Adam, signer of the Declaration of Independence and more importantly, associated with the wonderful array of producs offered by the Samuel Adams brewery.
This is a statue in front of Old City Hall of Boston. At the head of the ass is a plaque in the ground.

If you look closely you can see two elephants. That's all I'll say. Yes, that's all I say. It's just too ripe to make a joke. It's far too expected.

That's me (with a ski hat on) in front of the TD BankNorth Garden.

Where the Celtics play.

More to be posted soon.

Stories to come:

We want Odom!
Matt's Grave Problem
Beers at Cheers
Top of the Hub (Or Morning)